to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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