Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
