she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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