I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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