Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
