sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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