no, he came in my armpit
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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