Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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