I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
