Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bring me that man meat
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
