I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
