I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
