omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
