I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
