Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
