Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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