she woke up with a sticky ear
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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