he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
