I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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