omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
