the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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