could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
