dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
