i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
