can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
