Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
