i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
