tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
