You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
