And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
