you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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