we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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