Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
