all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
