I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize