It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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