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i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
