Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
