All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
