You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
