My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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