I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
