I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
