I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize