My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
