there's paper in my vomit.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
