Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
