Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
