and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
