Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize