Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
