people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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