i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
