Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
