just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
