It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
did i just pee glitter
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
