im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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