You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
