I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
