butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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