God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
