Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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