he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i think i have two assholes
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Randomize
