I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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