make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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