Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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